Tokyo Nights
Life In Tokyo - Neil Stalnaker
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Connecting (2).........
during and after cancer, i felt myself change. laying in the hospital one night around 4am i realized that my mind was the same as always. my mind felt alert and healthy. but, my body seemed to be dying. it was a scary and terrible feeling. i wanted to escape from my body. i felt trapped.
this caused me to feel alone. different than others. i was having an experience that people around me couldn't relate to. i found it very, very difficult to have a conversation with close friends and/or family about any of this.
after the 3rd operation, i had this huge scar on my face and neck (of course, i still have it). i remember traveling by car from baltimore back to my home in west virginia. we stopped and went into a 7-eleven. i thought i saw so many people looking at my face and neck. even now i see people trying to check out my neck. i feel like the beast in "beauty and the beast".
i am so surprised when i play gigs and people say, "oh you are so handsome". i'm thinking, "are you blind"?
this caused me to feel alone. different than others. i was having an experience that people around me couldn't relate to. i found it very, very difficult to have a conversation with close friends and/or family about any of this.
after the 3rd operation, i had this huge scar on my face and neck (of course, i still have it). i remember traveling by car from baltimore back to my home in west virginia. we stopped and went into a 7-eleven. i thought i saw so many people looking at my face and neck. even now i see people trying to check out my neck. i feel like the beast in "beauty and the beast".
i am so surprised when i play gigs and people say, "oh you are so handsome". i'm thinking, "are you blind"?
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